What is this spiritual way

At this early Morning of 2:30.. what i am doing without sleep... 

My menetal condition is very bad, My feeling is that I don't have necessity to live in this world.

I was ignored by everyone, they want only my services.

But as jn spiritual path i should not expect return from anyone. But why its happening to me.

Today i hurts my wife with unnecessary words. After thinking i don't understand what i want from her. 

Why its happening to me..

Why its happening to me...

But something happening in my mind.. change is coming. I have to build this chage for good not for disaster in life..

I want to meet psychiatrist.. because i am getting very bad ideas to end my life.

I taken 4 sleeping pills just now to sleep.

Tomorrow I will meet psychiatrist.

Is this is the spiritual way?